that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
