Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
