suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
