my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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