Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
