Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
