Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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