Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Randomize
