Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
