You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
