I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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