Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
