You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
