Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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