whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
