i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
