how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need to stop coming to work sober
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
