just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
