I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
