I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
