i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize