Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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