Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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