I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
