8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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