I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
