great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
