On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Are we still banned from the library?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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