Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
