: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
