He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
