Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
