his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am naked and annoyed.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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