I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
