Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
