dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
