Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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