My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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