My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize