I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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