She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
