dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
