so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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