I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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