I swear she didn't look like that last week.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize