is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
