Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
