you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
