My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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