It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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