He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
