Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
