Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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