he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
