If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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