I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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