Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
