More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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