Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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