it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
