If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
