I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
