I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
