Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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