He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
