checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
