Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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