Someone shit on the floor
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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