Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
