we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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