it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
