only if we run a train.
done.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
